Consider the Alternative to Sneaking a Peek at Your Teens Messages

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Woman thinking

A reader of Dr. Jenn, asked:

Dear Jenn,

I hear conflicting advice about whether I should sneak a peek at my daughters texts or Facebook wall?

Dr. Jenn suggests that we moms consider the following:

EVERY teen girl who discovered her mom was snooping eventually stopped telling her things; EVERY teen learned to hide their lives better once they found out their moms had access to their social networking profiles and comments; EVERY teen said their mom ruined all of their chances for relationships with other boys/girls.

Sounds familiar, (I snooped after seeing concerning messages and inappropriate content coming my kids way via their browser), but why not try an alternative approach?

Why not try suggesting to mom that she shouldn’t have to feel like she needs to resort to snooping because her daughter is able to have a positive, age appropriate, and safe online experience like the one that exists for her at ?

Why not educate mom that she doesn’t have to settle for the status-quo that has her so concerned and itching to snoop.  We don’t settle for anything less than the highest standards off line, shouldn’t it be the same when it comes to our children’s digital lives?

A membership to Yoursphere certainly isn’t the be-all, end-all solution. Constant dialogue and shared conversations are critical (the kind where you don’t run screaming out of the room because you’re freaked out – and this is important, no matter what you hear).

Mom’s love their daughters. Daughters love their moms, and the tween and teen years can be tough…very tough, so if there is a small slice of “peace of mind” you can provide yourself and a positive experience you can gift your daughter with, then that’s enough to keep you from having to “sneak a peak”.

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